An Afternoon with Telus Retentions

Telus:

Your free call display will expire at the end of the year. If you want to keep it you need to sign a contract and upgrade your phone.

Me:

What if I don't want to get a new phone? I just want to keep my call display and get more minutes and, if possible, get more data. Wind offers that all for $60 all in. No contract.

Telus:

you need to sign a contract and upgrade your phone. If you want more data we only offer it to 3 year contracts. The only way to enter into a contract is to purchase a new phone.

Me:

I'm pretty sure that all I need to do is sign somewhere. What phone I have is irrelevant to the voice plan. Wind offers unlimited data for 17.50 and---

Telus:

(interrupts me) -- Calling retentions is for negotiating. This is negotiating, so what are we getting for the features you want?

Me:

My continued business and consumer dollars?

Telus:

You need to sign a contract and upgrade your phone.

Me:

Am I not a valued customer?

Telus:

You are.

Me:

So why do I have to spend $100 + on a phone that I don't want or need?

Telus:

Because that's the only way to enter a contract

Me:

All you need from me is a signature and a commitment for a period of time.

Telus:

Now Telus requires you to upgrade your phone. If you want to negotiate those are our terms.

Me:

That's not negotiating - you're forcing me to buy a phone AND commit and all I get to keep is my $7 call display? Sounds like Telus: 2 Mike: 1. I don't think that's equitable or fair.

Telus:

There's no way around this. You must upgrade your phone. If you don't need it, give it to your family or friends.

Me:

So what if I signed your contract, accepted your terms but with the exception that I don't have to buy a phone?

Telus:

Then it's off the table

Me:

Sounds like I'm negotiating and you're dictating. I didn't even want a contract at the beginning of this phone call and you even have me considering it. You get my money and my commitment. All I get is call display. If I want more I have to sign for 3 ye--

Telus:

--Yes. Those are the terms and you as a consumer can choose. It's accurate information.

Me:

Please don't insult my intelligence. If you're just going to spout "accurate" information then why have a retentions department. You make this sound like I am asking you to move a mountain, when you've already given me free call display. Why take it away? To force me to sign up? If I wanted a contract I would not have bought the phone at full price! And your tech support shuns me for having an unlocked --

Telus:

The offer stands.

Me:

Not happening.